QUESTION: I would
like to arrange my funeral in advance.
Shall I just do it or talk to my family before making any decisions?
ANSWER: It is
entirely up to you, but many people tell us that a family discussion helps
ensure that everyone is comfortable with the arrangements being made. Hard feelings can be avoided if the spouse
and all the children are included in the discussions especially in this day and
age when there are many blended families.
planning and paying for my funeral in advance expensive?
ANSWER: No. It doesn’t cost more to pay for your funeral
in advance. The cost depends upon what
you choose. Many people use an
irrevocable insurance vehicle to fund their funerals in advance. The money can only be used for end of life
expenses. The advantage is that you
choose what you want and how much you want to spend and save your family the
worry of how to pay for your funeral.
QUESTION: Should I
find out how my parents feel about their funerals? I want to encourage them to plan ahead, but I
am not sure I should approach them on the subject.
ANSWER: Most of us
feel comfortable talking with our parents about health care and retirement
plans but talking about funeral planning doesn’t come easily. It is far better to talk about funerals now,
while you can plan together and while your parents still have their health. Chances are they are thinking about it but
didn’t know how to approach the subject with you. Encourage them to share what they want
included in their funerals.
If you would like, our pre-need counselor, Carolyn Elder
would be glad to help you with what you need to know before you talk to your
parents. There is absolutely no
obligation to make formal arrangements.
Carolyn would be glad to visit with you.
People experiencing a loss often experience some of the
same feelings as other survivors. Just
knowing that helps. One of the first
reactions is usually shock and denial.
There may be periods of crying and depression. There are feelings of loneliness and
isolation. Loneliness and anxiety can
create great emotional pain and sometimes even cause physical pain. It is not unusual to encounter a feeling of
Almost everyone goes through periods of feeling guilty;
thinking of things they wish they had done or had done differently. It is not unusual to look for someone to
blame, someone who seemingly could have prevented the death, perhaps the doctor
or even God.
It helps the survivor to know that all these feelings are normal, you are not losing it and with the help of family and friends, in time, healing begins, and life takes on a new meaning. Have faith, with time, things will get better.
Many funeral homes advertise they offer crematory service and they do. The difference between our crematory service and theirs is that we own and operate our own crematory that is on our premises in Ottawa and they depend upon the integrity of out of town crematories.
Many of you know we installed a state-of-the-art crematory a few years ago. Our crematory is kind to the environment and has virtually no emissions.
The families we serve like the idea that we have control of the final arrangements…from start to finish. We don’t rely upon anyone else to do the job right. Our funeral directors are all certified to cremate, and every aspect of the cremation process is done in a precise manner. We have a viewing room to give families the opportunity to see the beginning of the process if they choose. Whether you are present or not, our cremations are always done with dignity and respect.
Grief is an emotion most of us feel after experiencing a loss of a loved one. It is an emotion that can be very intense. But eventually, the bereaved come to accept the separation and readjust to life without their loved one through a process called “grief work.”
Professionals who have studied the emotion of grief have agreed that there are ten stages of grief that are common to most survivors. They are denial, emotional release, loneliness, pain, panic, guilt, anger, depression, healing and readjustment.
Studies have shown symptoms will vary according to the individual and the nature of the death. Some survivors will experience each of these symptoms and some may experience just a few. They do not occur in any particular order and will vary in intensity and length. It is important for survivors to understand these emotional reactions and to understand these emotional reactions are normal.
To speed recovery from grief it is helpful to know ways to help manage the loss. It is helpful to promote “grief work” by actively facing reality by viewing the body. Talk about the death with friends and family. It will help you accept the fact that the loss is real.
Accept the sympathy of others and reminisce about the life of your loved one. Tell sad stories and funny stories and feel free to laugh and to cry. Share your fears about the future, about how you are going to manage and how your life is going to change.
It is best not to make any hasty decisions, such as moving or making serious financial decisions. Avoid taking medications for the purpose of avoiding grief. “Grief work” must be done in order to make the adjustment. It doesn’t help to delay it. Sooner or later you will have to confront it. Don’t give up hope. You will never forget but the pain will diminish, little by little.
For the next few weeks we will be exploring grief. We will be writing in generalities. Because we are all unique, we all react in our own personal way to a loss of a loved one. No one can really understand what a person is going through even though they may have experienced a similar loss.
Just as the severity of grief does not denote the depth of our affection, neither does the length of grief. It simply means we all have our own unique timetable. It will take some a long time and others just a short time. Most will be somewhere in between.
Psychiatrists have found many survivors experience similar stages of grief. Some worry that something is wrong with them for feeling the way they do at times. Survivors need to know they are not losing their minds. In the coming weeks we will be exploring the stages of grief so that survivors will know their feelings are normal and what they might expect.